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I Really Need to Have My Groceries Delivered.

Pub Date：2008-03-08 23:00:00 Author: Click:22 Category: romantic gifts

I made a big mistake today. I went to Cub on a warmish Sunday afternoon for groceries. I live near Cub Foods, and despite the fact that I heart the SuperTarget further down, sometimes it's just cheaper to go to Cub.

Now, Cub has a few of those new-fangled self checkout lanes, which I usually love, because people don't seem to like using them. Except for today. Today, the entire city of Minneapolis decided to scan their own groceries. I'm the first to admit that I have very little patience for waiting in line. I have even less patience for busy grocery stores. So, as I'm standing there, waiting, for what seems like hours, I had a thought. Why, in the name of hot buttered Christ do the dumbest assholes feel the need to go through the self checkout line? I mean, really! It's just a fucking scanner with a touch screen computer! A drunken lemur could work that bitch. But no, those who can barely even operate a rotary telephone feel the need to practice their computer skills at Cub on a Sunday. Never mind the fact that they're buying 10 pounds of onions and 500 individual packs of sugerless gum, each with it's own coupon, and paying with a combination of debit cards, ripped up $1 bills, expired losing Hot Lotto tickets, and cereal box tops; they also can't seem to figure out what buttons to push, where to put the money, and where the fuck they are. Christ, I wonder how they even figured out how to operate their vehicles to drive to Cub so they could wander around the frozen food isle and stop in the middle of the fucking isle while their eyes glaze over deciding whether they should buy Birdseye or Green Giant frozen broccoli cuts.

It's days like this that I think wistfully about how much I miss Hy-Vee...and start drinking before I go grocery shopping.

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