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Not many people know this, but I'm a huge reverse movie snob. Meaning, if I'm going to spend money on a film, it's most likely a huge blockbuster with little cultural value. That said, cable has enabled me to indulge my secret love of film vehicles for marginal actors. Actors like Keanu Reeves, Sean William Scott, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Steven Segal, and, The Rock. Ever since seeing "The Scorpion King", I've had a weird fascination for Dwayne Johnson (no wonder he took a stage name), aka The Rock (or as I like to call him, Teh Rock). I mean, he actually can act pretty well (as opposed to former Minnesota Governors, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Rowdy Roddy Piper) when he's cast in the right film. Don't get me wrong, "The Scorpion King" was highly cheesy, but mainly because I think his calling is the Action/Comedy (Actedy? Cometcion? I suck at mashup names).
Seriously, I'm watching "The Rundown" right now, and Mr. Johnson is an excellent straightman...further proven in his performance in "Walking Tall" with Johnny Knoxville. Yeah, the jokes are fairly pedestrian, but I think he comes off fairly natural in the comedic scenes as that bumbling, ex-fratboy friend of yours that still laughs when he belches or farts, yet still looks like the kind of guy that'll drive you home after one too many beers and not try and rape you in the car.
Now, I'm not saying this because I'm one of those super, groupie wrastlin' fans that practices french kissing on her official WWE The Rock fan poster, or anything. No doubt, Mr. Rock is good looking in that "I can tear phone books in half while opening beer bottles with my butt cheeks" sort of way, but, as many of my friends can attest, muscles really don't do it for me. No, I like The Rock because he seems like one of those guys that was friends with your older brother in high school who totally made it big, but still comes back to Podunk, West Virginia 12 times a year to visit his mom and buddies and starts a charity for at-risk youth. And, for me, a cynic who constantly wonders what Oprah's agenda is, that's saying a lot.
So, here's to you, Dwayne, may your movies always gross in the multi-millions, your teeth stay fabulously white, your skin always tan and not orange, and that you never pull a "Britany" and flash your vagina to the paparazzi.
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