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I've Got a Crush On You...But Not You.

Pub Date：2008-03-08 23:00:00 Author: Click:31 Category: romantic gifts

After the ex and I split two years ago, I was convinced I would never love another (and there are still days I feel that way). Friends counseled me that I had to just "get out there" and date. But I didn't really want to. Every date I went on, I kind of half-assed it, knowing that the guy would never really be him, and hence, not worth my time or energy. This is not to say that these men were bad people, just not "him." And then I realized, I need to take baby steps. Sort of a way of dipping a toe in the dating pool...tempering the eggs, so to speak.

The first step was to actually go to a "meat market" and flirt with guys. Check. It was fun, but not really fulfilling.

The second step is the one I'm on now and the hardest to deal with. The second step is to develop a crush on someone. I'd like to say that yes, I do have a crush on someone (well, actually, two persons), and no, I'm not going to tell you who they are. And, no, I probably won't do anything about it, because that's how crushes work. You just secretly pine and dream and undress them mentally when you see them because the fantasy is always better than the reality. In your fantasy, the guy never farts while you're watching a movie on the couch, never cancels a date by text, never tells you he has an unhealthy obsession with Eva Mendes or World of Warcraft, or whatever. You never have to deal with tripping over his shoes in the kitchen or discover that he snores like a buzz saw and actually stops breathing at night so you lie awake all nigh worrying that he'll suffocate from sleep apnea or from you stuffing a sock in his mouth so he'll shut the hell up. He just remains this perfect, witty, charming, guy that you admire from afar and wonder if he thinks about you just before he turns out the light before falling asleep. It's all very Charlotte Bronte and Junior High at the same time. Revealing those feelings opens one up to rejection, something my pride just won't allow. But, because I'm familiar with the regret of never revealing my crushy-ness when I was in high school, it also becomes a situation of nothing ventured, nothing gained.

So, my question is this; would you rather live with regret or with a brief humiliation and situational awkwardness?

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